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Couples seeking a divorce often find it very difficult to put their emotions aside enough to continue to raise their children as a unit. However, children are often emotionally devastated when their parents cannot do so. It is usually unavoidable that children in divorce become accustomed to spending time at more than one residence. In a co-parenting time arrangement, the child or children are spending a roughly equal amount of time with both parents. Parents who take certain steps can and will lessen the impact of being shuffled from mom’s house to dad’s house in these sort of arrangements:
- If the couple is unable to communicate verbally due to the emotions caused by the divorce process, they can create a parenting notebook that travels with the child back and forth. Details about the child’s care such as sleeping problems, medications prescribed, school events and homework can be recorded in the notebook so that the other parent is aware of things that happened during the other parent’s parenting time.
- If any communication is necessary between exchanges, parents who cannot communicate directly without arguing should communicate by email or even text messaging.
- To reduce the likelihood of an argument arising during a parenting time exchange, the exchange can be scheduled to occur in a public place. Often, couples select a place where the child is less likely to pay attention to the parents’ emotions and body language—such as a playground.
- To the extent possible, the parents should both continue to attend parent teacher conferences and other events that involve their child or children’s growth. After all, the children do not have the option of putting their lives on hold. They must still take tests at school, interact with their classmates and participate in the same sort of activities they did before their parents separated. When children see their parents continuing to act as a parental unit even though they are separated, their lives are less affected.
- Avoid talking to the child or children about the divorce—no matter how old they are. Children who are exposed to the details of a divorce inevitably feel that they must take sides, and naturally, any side they take will make them feel disloyal to the parent they do not align with.
- Avoid talking about the divorce when in the presence of the child or children. Children have an uncanny ability to hear conversations even when they seem to be engrossed in play or a television show! A parent will often be dismayed to find that their child overheard every word of a conversation with her friend when she was convinced that Spongebob Squarepants had her son’s full attention.
Co-parenting has many advantages. The children themselves feel that they are not being divorced from either parent and may even feel as though their parents are still a unit even though they are no longer a couple. Co-parenting, however, is not always the easiest arrangement for the parents, who often would rather have no contact at all with one another—let alone continuing to act as a parental unit. However, parents who choose to co-parent during a divorce ultimately enjoy the benefits of their efforts as their child or children flourish even during tough times.
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