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Divorces are complex as it is, but if domestic violence is involved, there are even more dynamics to deal with. If domestic abuse is involved, just the decision to file for divorce can be extremely difficult to make, as it is hard to get out of the cycle of violence. Additionally, other issues involve control, coercion, and threats by the other party regarding seeking “sole custody” of the kids if the victim leaves the abuser. Especially in these types of situations, it’s important for the victim to obtain the assistance of an attorney, either private or through a pro bono program (a program that provides free representation to individuals who are indigent), as well as counseling and/or other support.
The most important factor is that the victim and the children,
if any, be able to proceed through the divorce process and
feel safe. In some instances it may be necessary to get a
Protective Order, or what’s commonly known as a Restraining
Order. In order to obtain a Protective Order, you will need to
go to court and explain to the Judge why you need a Protective Order. If the Judge finds that there is a sufficient basis, he or she will issue a Temporary Protective Order, which generally lasts until the next court date in approximately two weeks. For the Temporary Protective Order, only you need to show up – the other person does not need to be present or even know what you are doing. However, after the Temporary Protective Order is issued, it will need to be served upon the other person, and you will both need to be present at the next hearing, which is the Permanent Protection Order hearing. At this hearing the Judge will listen to evidence from both sides, and make a decision as to whether to make the Temporary Protection Order permanent. While the standard is relatively low to get a Temporary Protection Order, it is much higher when the Judge contemplates if it should be made permanent.
The decision to seek a Protection Order is one that should be
carefully made on a case by case basis. While it may offer some comfort to the person who obtains the order, it may further infuriate the restrained party and he or she may act with more anger than before. Although this type of situation should not be tolerated, this aspect should be discussed with an attorney prior to filing a restraining order, along with a temporary plan for safety in the event the other person does act out.
Also, when Judges decide to issue a Protective Order, they look for credible evidence that the other person is a legitimate threat. So if you are thinking you may need a Protective Order in the future, it helps to document erratic behavior, such as throwing things, threats made, etc. However, Judges will not issue Protective Orders on the grounds that someone is “just trying to be safe,” if they don’t have any other evidence to present. And, Judges will definitely not look favorably upon parties who seek Protective Orders as a mode of revenge against the other party or as a strategy device in the divorce.
There are other options to Protective Orders – for example, you can get certain orders made part of your divorce, such as no contact orders, and often with less evidence than you would need for a Permanent Protective Order. The downside is that orders made through the divorce expire when your case is over.
Another issue in cases involving domestic violence is how the abuser will be able to continue his or her relationship with the kids. Judges will do as much as they can to salvage the relationship with the kids, and this can take a variety of forms. In some situations it may be appropriate to order therapeutic parenting time, which means that there is a counselor involved with the parent-child interactions and actively works on improving the relationship and other dynamics present. Another common provision is supervised parenting time, where the abuser spends a couple hours with the children (and outside the presence of the victim), but in a controlled setting, with a third person observing and generally at a secure facility.
There are a variety of counseling resources available, which can be accessed through the Colorado Judicial Web Site at http://www.courts.state.co.us/chs/court/forms/restrainingorderforms
/servicesforvictimsofdomesticviolence.htm The most important item for a victim to remember is that if they are in a threatening situation, when in doubt they should call 911.
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