Denver Therapist Jeannie Lee Discusses Conflict

Creatively Approaching Conflict - Tip

Turn Down the Impact

(Notice that this is about the PROBLEM, not the other person.  If the two (or more) who are in conflict can do this together it will be all that much more effective.  Realizing that the two of you are on the same team, put the problem out in front of you and then proceed.)

Imagine that the problem you are having has a sound. Maybe it's a siren.  Maybe it's clanging cymbals.  Maybe it's scratchy static. Maybe it's like a child screaming.  How loud is it?  If it's a particularly pesky problem it's probably pretty loud.  Hear it. Let it have volume equal to how obnoxious you feel it is.
 

Try this:

In your mind's eye find a volume knob.  Maybe it looks like a radio knob.  Maybe it's a big dial you turn with both hands.  Maybe it there are buttons with up and down arrows.  Begin to turn down the volume.  Notice the sound getting quieter and quieter until it fades completely away.  Perhaps the screaming child is pitching a fit with no volume at all, completely mute; or the cymbals continue to clash in complete silence.  You see movement but no sound. 
 

Now what?What do you want to do now that the noise is turned down and you can think?  Read the paper?  Hug your partner?  Go for a run? Paint a picture? What else?

Notice:

What is different now?  How does this quieter place affect the conflict?  What's possible in the quiet?

If two of you are looking at it together, what is it like to be on the same team as you look at the problem over there?

Extra Credit:  You can find knobs to turn down the movement until it is absolutely still.  You can also turn down the lighting until it is completely dark making the whole scene disappear completely. Know that you can crank it up at any time that you like and that you also have control over turning it down and making it go away! You choose.

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