I can still hear my mother's voice on the other end of the phone the morning after I told my husband I wanted a divorce.
"Because I'm not happy," I said.
"Whoever told you that you were entitled to be happy?" she replied.
That was in the 1970s when boomer women with economic independence sent divorce rates soaring. Unlike our mothers, we felt we were indeed entitled to be happy.
After studies in the 1980s chronicled the impact of divorce on children, that divorce rate slowed somewhat.
Ah, but we are living longer. Women 50-plus have even greater economic independence. Husbands are no longer the dominant spouse in a relationship.
And along come Al and Tipper Gore to personify the new trend toward "gray divorce" — splitting up after age 50.
How can a couple who seemed so together for 40 years think of being apart? Who is having an affair? Did he really grope the masseuse? How can Tipper have an identity unless she is Mrs. Gore? What are they thinking? What sort of example are they setting?
"We are living longer and that means we can demand the quality of life we like," Hollywood divorce attorney Steven Knowles tells me.
"We have more viability sexually, financially, activity-wise than even 10 years ago. Yes, yes, I absolutely believe it's all about sex and money."
It's not that simple, said Dr. Terri Orbuch a psychologist and professor at the University of Michigan, author of "5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great" and relationship consultant to seniorpeoplemeet.com. No matter how long you are married, beginning or middle or long-term, "you need to give the relationship consistent attention, regularly address issues that come up, sweat the small stuff."
Orbuch acknowledges men are less likely to be relationship-oriented and women are more inclined to analyze and reanalyze, discuss and discuss. "But basically, I think what's happening — what the Gores illustrate — is that we have changed expectations about marriage. We ask ourselves 'does this person make me happy? Am I enjoying my life?'
"And these questions become more important after the kids leave home."
Of the 1,065 women 50-plus who have responded to a survey on the womansage.org website about marriage, 37.1 percent said they would not be interested in remarrying if they were single. But, they say, a man can "live close and visit often."
At the same time, 39.2 percent said they don't want any relationship at all.
Maybe the most telling result: 30.8 percent of those responding to the survey are still married.
It would be interesting to know what the men want — love and marriage or just love?
