The Cost of High Conflict Marriages and Divorces

In my work with children and families over the years, I have seen many children who are caught up in the conflict of their parents, whether they are together or not. Next to abuse and abandonment, seeing children involved in a high conflict custody battle or exposed to daily parental conflict, is particularly devastating. Unfortunately children too often become emotional pawns between warring parents and they feel powerless, confused and anxious.

While no well meaning parent really wants to hurt their children, it is easy for parents who are in pain or are in a lot of conflict, to lose sight of their children's emotional needs. When hurt or angry, parents are much more likely to argue in front of them or make snide comments about each other. Parents in these situations might inadvertently expect their kids to take sides or arbitrarily override the other parent's decisions. I've seen really thoughtful, loving parents make poor decisions about their kids because they just can not see through their own pain. Too often, parents are trying to soothe their own wounds or are reacting from their own personal history and point of view about their child's parent. This prevents them from really acting in the best interest of their children and getting into their child's point of view. The hard truth is that children, in general, really do not care who is right or wrong; they do not care who ended up with what or who is sleeping with whom. They want the arguing to stop, they want to know they are loved and they want to know what to expect and if and how their lives are going to change.

To read the entire article by Rich Harris, please click here:

http://www.harrisfamilylaw.com/articles/cost-high-conflict-marriage.cfm

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