Wise Advice to Those with Family Law Issues: Stay Cool!
October 3, 2011
By Kevin Massaro, Of Counsel to The Harris Law Firm:
One of the best attributes a client can have in a family law situation, be it divorce or assignment of parental responsibilities (APR), or a post decree matter, is simply keeping cool.
These matters are emotionally charged, even in the best of cases. Your ex will do something you don’t like, guaranteed. It may be that you think the new boyfriend is a derelict, or you think that having a six year old kid ride a four-wheeler with grandpa is dangerous, or you may just be sick of hearing his/her voice. And often, your ex will be acting like a jerk, even more so than when you were together. Or you think your ex is hiding money, because today’s claim is that the income went way down last year.
But keeping your cool under these difficult times will pay dividends. Judges expect people to act a bit crazy, so you stand out in a good way. Your children sense your anxiety, so the less you have, the better. And your lawyer will reliably bill you for the ten calls on Thursday when you found out your ex has a new lover…..so it’s cheaper, too.
How do you do this? First, focus on the important. Does this problem, if resolved, move the case closer to resolution or does it perpetuate the fighting? Is this about the finances, or the children, or is it about the relationship? (Be honest!) Who cares if your future ex has a new boyfriend/girlfriend, so long as that person is not around the children? Your relationship is over, isn’t it? Is your ex really the next Darth Vader, or Cruelly Deville, or are you just seeing that person through the filter of a failed relationship? Think about whether or not the claims are actually rational: many people are making a lot less than they were in 2007, for example. If there’s a legitimate reason for the request, maybe you should consider just saying yes, or trading something for it.
And think about where you spend your money. Your lawyer isn’t a good person to vent to. Therapists and bartenders, and even good friends, don’t cost as much to talk to, and they may be better equipped to deal with that side of your problems. (But don’t let them make things worse by provoking more and bigger fights.) Your lawyer’s job, in part, is to get the emotion out of the case so that it can reach a resolution. And, unless it moves the case closer to a resolution, your money is better spent on your children’s college fund than on your lawyer anyway. Consider the value in settling the case, even if you don’t get everything you want. What’s an end to the fighting worth, particularly is you can get 80% or better of what you want? I’ve had cases fall apart over a TV set because neither party could see past the value of settling versus fighting over some three hundred dollar piece of plastic and last year’s electronics.
And one more important thing to consider: pick a lawyer who will help you to keep a cool, reasoned approach. Does having the lawyer who routinely files 28 page pleadings demonizing your ex make it easier, or more difficult, to co-parent? Do you really want to hire the “bulldog” who will fight every issue like it was D-Day, driving costs to the level of an invasion, and stoking the fires of hostility? Or would a collaborative law, or near collaborative approach, make more sense, and save you some money in the process? Filing motion after motion, and sending out daily angry letters may make it look like your lawyer is acting aggressively on your behalf, but it carries a cost: a scorched earth field for your future co-parenting relationship.
There are legitimate reasons in family law cases to file motions, and otherwise, raise the red flags about certain problems. And there are times where the best thing you lawyer can do is not file motions, but have a conversation with opposing counsel at a local coffee shop about what to do with your case. Because one thing is certain: after the case is over, you still have to deal with each other regarding the children. And the worse the fight during the litigation, the more likely the fight will continue long afterward.
Located in Denver (303) 299-9484 and Fort Collins (970) 472-1838, The Harris Law Firm is Colorado's largest family law firm. Focusing exclusively on Colorado Divorce and Colorado Child Custody and Support, the firm's philosophy is to work with you to resolve your legal matter in the best way possible. When you consult with one of our attorneys, the expert legal advice you receive will help you understand your rights and options according to Colorado law. And when you retain this AV rated firm, the many years of combined experience provided by your legal team will ensure that the resolution of your case is handled in the most organized, timely, cost efficient and effective manner possible. If you want to limit conflict and protect your rights, call us today to schedule a private consultation in our Denver or Fort Collins offices. Call us at 303 299 9484 or send us an email at info@harrisfamilylaw.com.
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