"The best interests of the children" is a phrase used in Colorado family law matters to determine the division of parental responsibilities. The Colorado courts consider many factors to define the best interests of the children involved, but perhaps the most important is if parents actions indicate that they place their children’s needs above their own. The parent who puts their children’s needs first is the parent who behaves in a civil manner at transfers so that their children don’t have to hear the animosity and bitterness that often exists between their parents. It is the parent who consistently pays child support before they pay their other bills so that their children have the security of knowing that they are safe . It is the parent who will take time off work to be at the after school activities, the parent teacher conference , the field trip to the museum, or just to help out in the classroom. These are not especially exciting activities, but ones that children appreciate and will remember. A judge recently said that he considered it to be "child abuse" to tell a child, in a telephone conversation, over and over, how much you love and miss them. He said that when the conversation becomes about the parent, this means that the parent is asking the child to comfort the them and to be concerned about them. It is making the conversation about the parent. The judge said that a parent who was putting the child’s needs above his or her own, tells that child that they are loved once, and focuses on child, asks what is new in the child's world, and supports the child's needs.